COSTELLO CALLS TO BUY A COMPUTER FROM ABBOTT

Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? Costello: I'm thinking about buying a computer. Abbott: Mac? Costello: No, the name's Lou. Abbott: Your computer? Costello: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one. Abbott: Mac? Costello: I told you, my name's Lou. Abbott: What about Windows? Costello: Why? Will it get stuffy in here? Abbott: Do you want a computer with Windows? Costello: I don't know. What will I see when I look in the windows? Abbott: Wallpaper. Costello: Never mind the windows. I need a computer and software. Abbott: Software for Windows? Costello: No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What have you got? Abbott: Office. Costello: Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything? Abbott: I just did. Costello: You just did what? Abbott: Recommend something. Costello: You recommended something? Abbott: Yes. Costello: For my office? Abbott: Yes. Costello: OK, what did you recommend for my office? Abbott: Office. Costello: Yes, for my office! Abbott: I recommend Office with Windows. Costello: I already have an office with windows! OK, lets just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need? Abbott: Word. Costello: What word? Abbott: Word in Office. Costello: The only word in office is "office." Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: Which word in office for windows? Abbott: The Word you get when you click the blue "W." Costello: I'm going to click your blue "W"...OK, forget that. Can I watch movies on the Internet? Abbott: Yes, you want Real One. Costello: Maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. What I watch is none of your business. Just tell me what I need! Abbott: Real One. Costello: If it's a long movie I also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. Can I watch them? Abbott: Of course. Costello: Great! With what? Abbott: Real One. Costello: OK, I'm at my computer and I want to watch a movie. What do I do? Abbott: You click the blue "1." Costello: I click the blue one what? Abbott: The blue "1." Costello: Is that different from the blue W? Abbott: The blue "1" is Real One and the blue "W" is Word. Costello: What word? Abbott: The Word in Office for Windows. Costello: But there's three words in "office for windows"! Abbott: No, just one. But it's the most popular Word in the world. Costello: It is? Abbott: Yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other Words left. It pretty much wiped out all the other Words out there. Costello: And that word is real one? Abbott: Real One has nothing to do with Word. Real One isn't even part of Office. Costello: STOP! Don't start that again. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with? Abbott: Money. Costello: That's right. What do you have? Abbott: Money. Costello: I need money to track my money? Abbott: It comes bundled with your computer Costello: What's bundled with my computer? Abbott: Money. Costello: Money comes with my computer? Abbott: Yes, No extra charge. Costello: I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much? Abbott: One copy. Costello: Isn't it illegal to copy money? Abbott: Microsoft gave us a license to copy money. Costello: They can give you a license to copy money? Abbott: Why not? THEY OWN IT! A FEW DAYS LATER . . . . Abbott: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you? Costello: How do I turn my computer off? Abbott: Click on "START"... (Costello passes out)